There’s an invisible but powerful fear many of us carry: the fear of other people’s opinions. We hesitate to do the thing, not because we don’t want to, but because we’re afraid. Afraid of what everyone will think.
What if I fail and everyone sees it?
What if I say the wrong thing?
What if they think I’m selfish, arrogant or worse, cringey?
I grew up in a culture where the question “what will people think?” was drilled into us. It shaped how we acted, dressed, spoke, and every decision we made. There was always this invisible audience watching, judging.
Every decision didn’t truly feel like my decision. It was more about choosing the option that would draw the least amount of judgment, the one that would keep everyone else comfortable. Over time, I learned to prioritize other people’s opinions over my own, as if their approval mattered more than my voice.
And I carried that with me into adulthood. Many of us do. We shrink ourselves to fit the expectations of others. We hide ourselves because we’re afraid of the eye rolls, the gossip, the judgment, the rejection.
But the truth is that people will always have opinions. They’re allowed to. And we’re allowed to not let those opinions run our lives.
That’s the core of Mel Robbins’ Let Them theory, a book I recently read as part of the Dubuque Women’s Leadership Network Book Club. If people want to talk, let them. If they don’t understand your choices, let them. If they doubt you, let them. If they walk away, let them. Their opinions and judgement are theirs to manage, not yours.
Letting them doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care more about your peace than their approval. It means choosing yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable. It means letting go of the need to control how others perceive you, so you can finally be free to be who you are.
Because when we stop trying to please everyone else, we give ourselves permission to truly live. To take risks, fail in public, and still show up again. To build lives that are not curated for others but crafted for ourselves.
So here’s your permission to do the thing. Be your full, authentic, goofy and imperfect self. And when the doubts creep in about what others will think?
Let them.